onion

Yuni makes the Onion.

Quoted: Betancourt said of McLaren and not Castro. "He calls team meetings, but he's just doing them to make it seem like he's doing a good job managing. For Christ's sake, he starts Miguel Cairo at first base sometimes.

mmm....g.t.a. is the pinnacle of western civilization

Quoted: LIBERTY CITY—I was shot 14 times on my way to work today, including twice by police, said one Algonquin-area resident. That is unacceptable.

Quoted: Many blame the LCPD directly for the increase in criminal activity, citing the department's lax procedure for arresting criminals, which involves taking 10 percent of the suspect's money, confiscating his weapons, and simply releasing him from custody later that day. Outraged citizens say this is not enough, especially in a city where assault rifles can be found on factory roofs and grenade caches are located under the globe at the old World's Fair site.

click to play

awesome.

Quoted: Important news out of Haiti's capital today. The Onion's Don Abrams reports live.More coverage at: http://www.onion.com

Quoted: SAN DIEGO—The new ultra-efficient complex is open to schoolchildren on field trips, family members of convicted felons, and state-appointed defense lawyers.

Boom!

I always find it incredibly phony (if not devisive) when cadidates say "God bless America." That's something that you'd only genuinely say if you were moderately to very religious, which most of the candidates never are. I think they always think they have to say it to seem like "they got religion too," which is dumb.

Quoted: At the beginning of 2007 there were 38 things candidates could mention in public that wouldn't be considered damaging to their campaigns, but now they are mostly limited to 'Thank you all for coming,' and 'God bless America,'" ...

Ahhh, satire without barriers ... :P

Quoted: The Onion, America's Finest News Source, is an award-winning publication covering world, national, and local issues. It is updated daily online and distributed weekly in select American cities.

Funny.

Quoted: You keeping a sandwich in your pocket for later? I'd be happy to eat it for you now. You don't even have to take it out of the bag. I'll eat the plastic and everything. Or tinfoil. Don't make no never mind to me. Do you got anything that I could put in my mouth for just a minute or two? Lemme know. I'll take it off your hands. No worries.