With Valentine’s Day only a few days, we decided to get a little crazy for Patrick Swayze (RIP) with today’s match-up.
It just so happens that two of his biggest hits also happen to be two of the most legendary chick flicks of all time. If you guessed Road House and Point Break, first of all, those are not chick flicks, and second of all, you did not read the headline. Read the headline next time.
Nope, we’re talking about Dirty Dancing:
So, let’s get right into then, shall we?
Alright, alright, it seems these Chick Flick Showdowns are getting harder as we go along. And by harder, I really just mean they involve movies I haven’t seen. But let’s do this. I can totally do this.
Why is Dirty Dancing more romantic than Ghost? Let’s see: does Ghost have a huge musical finale where the entire cast dances to “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life?” No? Does Ghost have Patrick Swayze playing a totally badass dude who is surprisingly responsible when it comes to treating the women in his life incredibly well and even going so far as to take responsibility for getting a chick pregnant and causing her to have a back-alley abortion? Well, sort of. Does Ghost have Jerry Orbach aka Lennie freakin’ Briscoe as one of its stars? Not that this makes it any more romantic, but also no. (Also, if you don’t know who Lennie Briscoe is, you have never seen Law & Order—not SVU, the regular one—and I am judging you super hard.)
All these wonderful things and more make Dirty Dancing a great chick flick, especially for the younger set. A summer before college? A naïve neophyte seduced by a hep cat who, for some reason, is an extraordinarily good dancer? A class divide bridged by love and some ridiculously fly dance moves? An iconic line that became a Fall Out Boy song title? I don’t think Ghost has any of that stuff, now, does it?
What Ghost does have is that really creepy pottery scene. I’ll give it to Whoopi: she’s awesome in that flick. And Demi Moore looks prettay, prettay, prettay good, herself. And admittedly, Jennifer Grey’s “Baby” in Dirty Dancing is, well, kind of a baby. She’s 17. And Swayze gives her the moves in more ways than one. Yikes.
But would I rather be swept off my feet by a very much alive and virile Patrick Swayze, or would I rather be haunted by the weird, touchy-feely ghost of Swayze. The answer should be pretty obvious. (The former. It’s the former.)
Richard Thompson (Ghost)
’90s Demi Moore. That alone should be enough to make this movie about sensual pot making (that’s what it’s about, right?) the hands-down winner. Sure, Demi’s still a total babe now at 54, but in the 1990s, she was crushing it. We’re talking A Few Good Men, Indecent Proposal, Striptease, GI Jane and The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Esmerelda is the hottest Disney princess by far), just to name a few. Stack anything up against a ’90s-era Demi Moore and you’re pretty much fighting a losing battle.
On top of the Demi effect, you’ve got a A+ performance from Whoopi Goldberg that earned her an Oscar. You younger folks out there are probably thinking to yourselves “Wait, Whoopi Goldberg did stuff before The View?” Yeah, dude, she was legit as shit. Funny as hell and could seriously act. Nobody puts Whoopi in the corner.
So, you’ve got hot ’90s Demi Moore and badass Whoopi Goldberg. Hmmm, we feel like we’re missing something. What could it be?
Oh, that’s right, Patrick freakin’ Swayze plays a goddamn ghost. And we’re not just talking “show-up-for-two-seconds-say-something-sad-and-then-peace-out” type ghost. We’re talking a ghost that protects his girlfriend from the dude that straight-up murdered him. That’s drama, people. That’s romance.
Sure, Dirty Dancing is cool and all, but the whole I’ve Had the Time of My Life thing might be the best part, and if you need to say out loud that you’re having a good time, you’re probably not having a good time. Did Demi and the Swayzenator need to say they were having a good time? Nope, they just did romantic shit with clay and it was pretty much obvious.