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Nothing gets a subway brawl going like some good ol’ fashioned badgering with baked goods, which is exactly what led to some London-area hooplah last Saturday night.

Believe it or not, some people aren’t too fond of having bagels placed on their heads while drunken assholes sing songs about said bagel placement. Needless to say, it stirred up more than one heated confrontation.

Thanks to Dougie Stew (A+ name, by the way), we’ve got footage of the Subway shenanigans.

Per Daily Mail:

When the police appeared on the train appealing for any witnesses to come forward, the passengers all remained silent. Dougie, 25, who was travelling to Hatfield, Hertfordshire, described the episode as “like something out of Black Mirror.”

He said: “The only word that does it justice is surreal. It was completely and utterly surreal. I got on at the first carriage and you could see that everyone had had a good night. These girls were grabbing bagel after bagel from their handbags and just putting them on people’s heads and singing.”

“It was pretty funny but then people started getting a bit worked up and all of a sudden these two girls are going at one another.It’s hard to know how it started – one of them was saying the other one looked at her funny. They had to get a few bodies in between to keep them apart.”

“The bagel thing was still going on at the same time and this fella started chucking them out the window. I don’t think he thought it was funny anymore.Some of the more level-headed people on board had to separate these girls because they were repeatedly getting up and trying to get at each other.”

“I was sat there filming it thinking: ‘there’s so many plots going on here, it’s like an episode of Black Mirror.’ I’ve never seen anything like it.”

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Sure, it kind of looks like a modern-day Lord of the Flies scenario, but Why not one of these people just started eating the bagels is beyond me. Nothing beats a free subway snack.

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