Article will continue after advertisement

A psychiatrist/neuropsychopharmacologist has made a valuable, newsworthy prognostication that for sure speaks to scientific work occurring today, as you read this, and definitely doesn’t hinge on some crackpot, pipe-dream, especially not one he’s already partially patented. Sarcasm, guys.

Dr. David Nutt (who, pictured here, appears a prospective Tim and Eric extra) has proclaimed to MEL that the future of alcohol development and the seemingly possible eradication of the hangover, that day-late terror of those who imbibe, lies in something known as “alcosynths” or, for the layman, synthesized alcohol. Such is his confidence that he’s already patented more than 90 compounds related to the chemicals he thinks will form the non-alcoholic replacement.

These alcosynths, says Nutt, will be like alcohol, sans all the terrible side effects, primarily the hangover-related ones.

But wait! There’s more! Alcosynths, because they’ll produce only the pleasurable effects of alcohol and none of the, you know, terrible ones, like addiction, tendencies toward physicality, so on and so forth, will be generally more positive for humanity than our current system of drinking alcohol and the problems associated with drinking. I mean, this dude thinks alcohol is worse than heroin and crack, but let’s just roll with it for a second.

He’s got a point, doesn’t he? A preponderance of premature deaths and violence, especially in countries like the U.S., is centered around drinking and its after effects; if alcohol’s negative effects were taken out of the equation, things might be a lot better for us as a society.

And the pleasurable effects of alcosynths would plateau after four drinks or so? Now yer shittin’ me. I don’t drink more than four drinks to be the same amount of drunk I am with four in me. This alcosynth stuff had better taste incredible, because you are, for sure, not going to be able to hawk bourbon or vodka for the taste, no matter what the most hardened drinkers say.

(h/t Maxim)

|
Tags