This Christian news site uses word substitution to filter its news stories. One such filter is to change the word "gay" to "homosexual". After Tyson Gay's performance at this weekend's Olympic track and field trials, hilarity ensued.

Quoted: Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials and seemed to save something for the final later Sunday. His wind-aided 9.85 seconds was a fairly cut-and-dry performance compared to what happened a day earlier. On Saturday, Homosexual misjudged the finish in his opening heat and had to scramble to finish fourth, then in his quarterfinal a couple of hours later, ran 9.77 to break the American record that had stood since 1999.

Somehow I don't think she thought her plan all the way through.

Quoted: A Democratic National Convention delegate pledged to Hillary Rodham Clinton says she hopes to fight off an attempt by Wisconsin Democrats to take away her credentials because of her past statement that she would vote for John McCain if Clinton wasn't the nominee...Wisconsin Democratic party chairman Joe Wineke said Friday he's confident Bartoshevich won't be at the national convention. Wineke said it's clear Bartoshevich violated party rules by failing to honor a pledge of intent to vote for the party's presidential ticket in the fall.

Doesn't say what the settlement figure was, but it certainly sounds like Chris Hansen is going to be out of a job.

Quoted: The lawsuit claimed NBC "steamrolled" authorities to arrest Louis William Conradt Jr. after telling police he failed to show up at a sting operation 35 miles away... U.S. District Judge Denny Chin said the lawsuit contained sufficient facts to make it plausible that the suicide was foreseeable, that police had a duty to protect Conradt from killing himself and that the officers and NBC acted with deliberate indifference.

Quoted: Fans will be able to catch up on the Beijing Olympics on their laptops during their commute this summer.

Awesome.

Quoted: Users must have Microsoft Windows Vista to use the service, which runs on the operating system's Media Center.

Fail.

Mark your calendars folks. Television's apocalypse begins July 15th on G4.

Quoted: Take, for instance, "Hurl," an eating-and-regurgitating competition in which contestants gorge themselves on everything from chicken pot pies to peanut butter sandwiches, then get strapped into spinning contraptions -- whoever vomits last wins.

This is the story Javon Walker is allegedly telling in regards to his recent robbery:

Quoted: “I was just back at my room and at about 5:30 in the morning I got a knock at the door. I opened it and 3 guys with guns were there. They cracked me in the head a few times, knocking me unconscious. They then robbed me of everything I had; my watch, money, everything! Somehow they got me to a car and dropped me off in the street. That’s what happened.”

The name of his hotel? The Bellagio in Las Vegas. Somehow nobody saw any of this?

I think it might be time to bust out the Super Bowl Squares board and try to make some money.

Quoted: Israel and Hamas agree a truce starting this Thursday, Israeli and Palestinian officials tell the BBC after Egyptian-brokered talks.

This election is over. Its just a matter of time. A couple of debates should hasten the tide of public opinion.

Quoted: QUESTION: The European Union has set mandatory targets on renewable energy. Is that something you would consider in a McCain administration? […]

Quoted: MCCAIN: Sure. I believe in the cap-and-trade system, as you know. I would not at this time make those — impose a mandatory cap at this time. But I do believe that we have to establish targets for reductions of greenhouse gas emissions over time, and I think those can be met.

That answer contradicts the energy plan McCain himself laid out last month (http://gristmill.grist.org/story/2008/5/11/23034/2638). So he has either forgotten what he said last month, or he lacks a fundamental understanding of his own policy.

Yeah well its a week too late. I've already switched to the new AT&T U-Verse. Suck it Comcast.

Quoted: The long-running feud between the Big Ten Network and Comcast appears to be almost over. The two sides are very close to an agreement, expected to be signed and announced as soon as this week, multiple industry sources told the Free Press today.