SATIRE - Congress says that with no way to actually pay back our debts, faking a coup to eliminate financial obligations is the best plan for the U.S. economy. - THE ONION

SATIRE - President Barack Obama today celebrated his 48th birthday with a retroactive declaration of statehood for Kenya, his father's homeland and the nation where some skeptics say he was born on August 4, 1961. Conspiracy theorists, collectively called 'birthers' by those who trust the president's version of events, say Obama has refused to release his official birth certificate, so no one can be sure that he's a 'natural born' U.S. citizen, or even that he's at least 35 years old and, therefore, Constitutionally qualified for the office. By declaring Kenya a U.S. state retroactive to July 1961, the president said he hoped to "put an end to fruitless speculation about my citizenship, which should -- by the way -- be a private matter between a woman and her obstetrician, or village midwife as the case may be." - WASHINGTON EXAMINER

SATIRE - "America's finest news source" has been bought by a Chinese company. At least, that's what the satirical newspaper The Onion claims on its homepage, with the amended tagline: "America's finest news source and salvage fishery." The paper says it was sold to a conglomerate based in China's Sichuan province — the Yu Wan Mei Amalgamated Salvage Fisheries and Polymer Injection Corp. "As you know, the American newspaper and print industry has been in great, great decline," Joe Randazzo, the paper's editor, tells Robert Siegel. "And The Onion was at a point of great vulnerability, crouched like an injured dog in the corner. And the Yu Wan Mei group came [and] saw it as an opportunity to at once extend its reach into the Western world — and to also provide benevolent support in its time of need." - NPR.org

[Do visit www.TheOnion.com to see the running Chinese-themed stories. See American from the Communist point of view, according to The Onion. It's LOL funny.]

SATIRE - Supporters of the Pentagon's Dragon Tank urge Obama to reconsider the fearsome power of titanium nostrils mounted with long-range flamethrowers. - THE ONION.ocm

SATIRE - Check out this Facebook group where world leaders interact. Created by Sage Stossel - THE ATLANTIC.com

SATIRE —Avowed earthquake denier William Pletcher believes the so-called 'violent shift in the earth's tectonic plates' is nothing more than a thinly veiled lie. - THE ONION

"You see, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, but they're being pressured by the People's Republic of China and they have nowhere else to turn ..."

[The Onion gets something right, whether they meant to or not: The ugliness of China's enforcement of the one-child rule.]

SATIRE - In what is being hailed as a breakthrough in the field of historical record-keeping, the National Archives announced Monday that it would immediately begin outfitting Barack Obama's chest, limbs, and face with an array of motion capture sensors for use in preserving a 3-D account of his time as president. - THE ONION