TOTALLY RANDOM - There is something quite pressing that I must make clear immediately. I am afraid I am going to have to take that cupcake. That cupcake with the red-colored frosting. The one with the soft, fluffy cake and the white-paper wrapper. Yes, the cupcake that is virtually indistinguishable from the 16 to 20 other cupcakes around me in the office at this time. This is the sole cupcake I have singled out. Granted, it happened to be the first to enter my field of vision as I came in the room. The cupcake situated in that location is the cupcake of my desire. The one at which I am at this moment intently staring. That is the cupcake that I will shortly be removing from its wrapper and consuming. The sooner you grasp the reality of this, the easier it will be for all of us. - THE ONION