I love today's paranoid xkcd.

Yay!

Quoted: WASHINGTON—President-elect Barack Obama did very well among women and young voters, who were most sensitive to the current climate of everything being fucked.

click to play

This is pretty fun. Satirical John McCain attack ads as if John Woo, Kevin Smith and Wes Andersen directed them...

Clickety click to see what a Sarah Palin Presidency might look like.

Quoted: Can you imagine? We can.

This is so wrong. McSweeney's takes care of some "Penthouse Forum Letter Corrections.

Quoted: Timothy McSweeney's Internet Tendency

Awesome 1-star "Hulk" review by Peter Bradshaw at The Guardian, written entirely in Hulk-speak.

Quoted: "Hulk. Smash!" Yes. Hulk. Smash. Yes. Smash. Big Hulk smash. Smash cars. Buildings. Army tanks. Hulk not just smash. Hulk also go rarrr! Then smash again. Smash important, obviously. Smash Hulk's USP. What Hulk smash most? Hulk smash all hope of interesting time in cinema. Hulk take all effort of cinema, effort getting babysitter, effort finding parking, and Hulk put great green fist right through it. Hulk crush all hopes of entertainment. Hulk in boring film. Film co-written by star. Edward Norton. Norton in it. Norton write it. Norton not need gamma-radiation poisoning to get big head. Thing is: Hulk head weirdly small. Compared with rest of big green body.

Ha! Fake Steve Jobs gives all the media a chance to finish up their Microhoo stories and get prepped for the new iPhone on June 9th.

Apparently the R. Kelly kiddie porn trial is having some issues getting people onto the jury. The Chicago Tribune looks at the 12 ways you can get dismissed from this high profile trial. Some of them, like the one where the guy states that R.Kelly may be in league with the Taliban and responsible for 9/11 are patently, er, ludicris...

Hilarious post from defective yeti re: "The Coolidge effect" and mating elephant seals.

Quoted: defective yeti: The Musings of Matthew Baldwin, Pretty Okay Guy