Quoted: WICHITA FALLS, TX—I have nothing personal against Americans, said Texas Governor Rick Perry. I just think they should stay in America, where they belong.

Funny, short radio report.

Quoted: files/radionews/08-086_Pope_Visit_T.mp3

Hmmm...this is totally inappropriate and hopefully not offensive, but so hilarious. The man's in lust, majorly.

Quoted: Girl, there comes a time when even a strong, well-dressed man must admit defeat.It has been a long time since we broke up and you left...

Quoted: Drill instructors at Jump Up drive campers through military-style obstacle courses, including a high-wire exercise. The camp, which lies about an hour south of Seoul, was created to address the most severe cases of Internet addiction.

A review of "Born Standing Up" by Steve Martin. This brought back good memories of the "wild and crazy guys" skit!

Quoted: The love affair ended when Mitzi Trumbo took up with director John Frankenheimer, who 20 years later, as Mr. Martin reveals in an acid aside, "tried and failed to seduce my then wife, the actress Victoria Tennant." This embarrassing detail is actually the setup for the perfect-pitch, chapter-closing line: "Incidentally, Frankenheimer died a few years ago, but it was not I who killed him."

Quoted: A court has barred a country music fan from indulging her tastes late at night, after neighbors complained about hearing a little too much Dolly Parton and Tammy Wynette. Diane Duffin, 36, must now refrain from playing country classics such as Parton's 9 to 5 and Wynette's D-I-V-O-R-C-E between the hours of 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

:)

Quoted: When Bush said he wanted us to be the Waltons, we thought...

Aasif Mandvi may have just become my favorite Daily Show correspondent. He just keeps getting better!